It's Over

Today I officially withdrew my candidature from NUS. Kapoy na man gud kaayo. It has to end so that I could move on. The good thing is that I won't be getting an F coz ako man giwithdraw officially. Naa lang koy bayranan nuon to them but makit-an ra lagi na paagi. Thank you for everything Lord!

CFC Weekend

This weekend we hosted Tito Lito Tayag, Home Office Director of CFC in Philippines. He explained to us all the issues around the so-called split that's happening to the organization now. Nalingaw sya namo nga kasagaran kuno mga bagets. He said he has been in the ministry for 24 years now and he shared to us his experiences, starting in Ilocos in the north then covering the whole Philippines and the world.

This morning we took him to the GK Rafaella site then we sent him off at the airport. God bless you and your family always po!

I asked God for signs for me to stay in KH or go back to SG. I'm just waiting now, I keep the faith.

Plans and Families

Hahay, makatawa ko sa amo family and w/ the plans of family members. These are the spices of life! :-)

Called up home yesterday, greeted mother a 'Happy Mother's Day'. Ngutana sya musta na kuno ko. Okay ra man, kalooy sa Diyos. Talked to my brother too. Ask sya unsay nawong sa Phnom Penh. Told him morag Tagbilaran oi. Katawa sya! Mao diay nagdali sya kay uli pa man to Matabao. Talked to Biboy too. Hahay, tabian na jud ang bata. Si Bantil ray la niuli kay mauwaw sya kung pangutan-on na sya mga tawo asa sya nagtrabaho and unsa iya plans for her life. Wish you all the best, Bantil. Leave it all up to God!

In Time

I know that I came to the right place to start anew. And I know that in time, I will find happiness --not the happiness that most people say starts with you, but the happiness borne of the fact that you're living your life in accordance with God's will. I need to heal man gud, coz I made mistakes in the past. And when that is all over, I can move on, and it will be unlike anything before. I keep the faith!

I also need to heal because I have been making the wrong choices w/ guys! As I said in a previous post, I do not know anything about love. And that is a BLOODY shame! Many times I have turned away the right ones and chose the wrong ones. But again, everyday is a new beginning, the right person will come. God is good, all the time.

Fear and Love

I once read it written that our two strongest emotions are fear and love. Once I told a friend that "we all live because of love", and it's true. I remember my conversations w/ our secretary, si Tata Cabalhin. Told her how amazing the power and might of God is. I just gave the example of faces; that at first, you think all people look the same, like the Chinese in Singapore, but if you really look closely, you'll find that each one of them (and each one of us) looks different. She eventually said, "Adto man jud sa love paingon ning istoryaha ba?" Haha, true. Coz to be honest, I fell in love in Singapore man jud to Christian Bustamante who was already with someone. Gibisita gud siya lagi sa SG sa iyang wife ron nga si Mischelle Ulanday. That was the only Easter time lagi nga I went to mass twice. But I cried so hard because he wanted to introduce me unta lagi to her. I avoided meeting her. They got married on March or April 18, 2008. I was in Cambodia then. Wedding day pud ni ni Sopheap Hour, our volunteer coordinator. She is now in Canada and Christian and Mischelle now have 3 kids together: si Jandi, Jacob and Joshua. Kahibaw man gud ko lagi Lord that somehow he wanted to spend time with me b. Ang iya gud ingon ato was nakikita kong nahihirapan k, but di k sumusuko. Nag-abot man gud mis Bus 96 when I was on my way to NUS after I was offered the downgrade. Nanghipos n gud ko ato lagi aron mouli kay diha n man koy ticket to go home. Like I said, I must have looked so happy then. Mao tong when I took my time in going home from NUS, I was surprised to see him in my block lagi. He went to the Fair Price man in our neighborhood. He said then that masakit daw masyado sa ulo if nasa malayo ang girlfriend mo. What does that mean, uyabon ko nimo? Kahibaw man gud ko lagi of what he went through Lord when his ex-girlfriend Janice Isabelle Lao studied in Oxford before. Pirmi daw tawn niya tawagan lagi. Kulba-kulbaan gud lagi kuno siya every time he receives his bill from Globe. Anyway, I msgd him on LinkedIn today. Told him of my updates. The last time he said man lagi that he feels uncomfortable with my giving him updates. Maong I tried not to msg him anymore. Today I broke that resolve. We are friends man jud klaro from our student times in NUS, back in 2005 to 2006. Sila gud akong support system; sila Leeyaj, Sheryl ug Christian plus my Indian circle and other NUS classmates. Why not keep that bridge di b? Si Nicolas n lng ang bridge nga nadisconnect ron. Di siguro siya gusto nga mobisita ra kos Cambodia. Basin gusto siya nga mobalik ko ug work didto? Wala p may offer po, Teacher Mr. Nick. Alangan mamugos ta di b? God bless you Tatskie, Nicky, Christian and your families and loved ones. God bless us all always. I'll see you when I see you n lng pohon!

Only One by Lionel Richie

Let me tell you now
:
:
There can only be
You for me
I need you more and more
Cause baby

(Chorus)

You, took me inside out
And you showed me
What life was about
Only you
The only one who stole my heart away
And I wanna do all I can
Just to show you
And to understand
Only you
The only one who took my heart away

In my mind
There's no other love...
:
I'm thinking of
Only you, only me
:

Volunteer

Accidentally I found a place where I could volunteer. I had always wanted to do this. Since 2004 pa tawn when I got tired of teaching in USC. I even emailed Vinati, my Indian friend to help me, and she got me in touch w/ people there from the Gandhi Peace Foundation. But then it didn't push through. This time I hope it would really push through. I have been looking for change and this could be it! I keep the faith.

The name of the organization is Conversations w/ Foreigners (CWF), only two blocks from where I live. I didn't realize that it's gonna be this formal for them to volunteer; they emailed my references (Ashwani, David, and I'm sure Mam Ching) to ask for my suitability for the post. They are a fund-raising arm man gud for the Cambodia Rural Development Team. Hehe, this must be tough work. But I'd welcome the change. Coz swak w/ my MA training di ba? I'll think na lang that I could always include this in my CV pohon. I keep the faith.

Successful daw ako application so far. I'd wait for further commu from them. And I'll wait for the program to start this May 27th pohon. As far as I know, as volunteer English teacher, I'll be teaching English for 5hrs/day for 3months. Different levels. I know God will sustain me in this. He is good, always.

Return to Cebu

Just now my good friend and former colleague, Lorna said she would be back in USC this 1st sem pohon. Iya tiwason iya residence requirement of one year sa Pinas aron kabalik sya US nga walay hassle. All the best, my dear. I'm really happy for you. Hehe, niadto ra sya Dubai aron manganak!

This morning it all came to me. The reason why I had wanted to finish my program in NUS is the possibility of applying for permanent residence upon finishing my program. But I asked myself, "Why would I want to become permanent resident in a country where I don't even have relatives?" So I knew it is not for me anymore.

I may have to try a new job here in PP. I dunno, I have come to feel quite at home here. I know what I have to pay for --my Philam nga mahuman by 2010 pohon, my Manulife nga dugay2 pa human, Palm Heights next year pohon, my balance from NUS, and Lorna and Biboy's education. As long as I'm at peace with the outcome of things, I know I am in the right path. Pls show me thru and thru Lord. All praise and glory be to you!

It's Over

Finally I know that my desire to finish in NUS has come to an end. Di na man gud sya worth it. I think I have alrdy hurt too many people in wanting to finish my program there. It's enough. I pray it is not yet too late.

Twice I have encountered this verse from Jeremiah this week: For I alone know the plans I have for you; plans to make you prosper and not to bring you ruin. Plans to give you a future full of hope [or a future you hope for] (Jer 29:11). It must be true, the Lord wants me to start anew here in Cambodia. It's all in His hands. I just keep the faith.

Right Time?

I am still able to laugh at amusing things. Like this morning, when I came for interview at Art + Cafe in St 108. The owner asked me if I had a family, my own family back in the Philippines. I said no, then added it with 'strange'. And he said really, why is that? Reminds me of the taxi driver who chauffeured me from UP-Dil to the domestic airport in 2003. He had asked me if I was alrdy married and why not. I replied w/ "Cguro hindi pa po tama ang panahon". He retorted, "E kelan ang tamang panahon?" I really do not know. I'm still chicken about it.

Bernadette Sembrano alrdy got married last 12 June 2008. She said she's waited 32 yrs for it and she said he (her husband, Emilio Aguinaldo IV, nicknamed Orange) is worth it. I know I would have to wait some more. Pero tan-awon na lang pud ni. Hehe..

Dating and Marriage

Since 2004 pa I had thoughts of getting married. I met Ferolini then, at the watershed research. But he told me to find my kalevel daw mao huna2 ko, he's not worth it. He was the one who went to Panglao w/ that reporter girl during kalag2. Then in December he said she's alrdy taken. Okoy sya! Now he is an attorney and we are friends in Friendster and also sa YM. But I know we now belong to diff. worlds. Good luck to us, Atty!

Then I had chats w/ Jonathan. He even called me on Christmas Eve 2006. Met him when I came back to Sg. He said he's alrdy a PR there, andun na buhay nya.

My former flatmates Deepti and Preeti are getting married soon. I wished them all the best and I would really like to attend their weddings pohon in India.

Now I am not in Singapore anymore, I am here in Cambodia. And I have a very nice group here where I could grow spiritually, which is what I have been looking for all this time. (Makatambok lng b/c nindut man pagkaon every gathering). I am also meeting really nice friends, mga Pinoy sad. I might even meet someone here to marry! Anyway, I keep the faith. It's all in God's hands.

Sihanoukville

We went for an outing to resort town Sihanoukville, formerly Kampong Som for the Khmer New Year break. Lingaw kaau. It had its own share of hitches and intrigues but overall we had a very nice time. Though we had to drive for at least four hours para lang makakita ug beach, nalingaw ra man gihapon mi.

Dreams

I always have dreams that I think are omens/signs of events to come. I used to check papers back at USC only to realize that I alrdy saw this scene in a dream. Sometimes I dread being able to dream of my own death! Haha, too optimistic!

I had a very amusing dream that really left a mark w/ me. I was in class daw when I had a visitor. Nagdala pa kuno'g buwak. The guy's face was not clear to me though. I thought it was in USC, at AS bldg kay mao may positioning of the class. But now I think that it could be somewhere else. I'm quite excited to see that dream materialize. Hehe... :-)

Na'pa lain dream that made me think. It's about seeing someone in church, ig ka peace w/ you part, in Tubigon. I had dreamed that it was Harry then I thought maybe it was someone else. Maybe it was someone else indeed. Let's see what happens next...