Running Away Again?

I had thought if I am running away again in my decision to leave PP. Dili diay kay dili man gud stable ako work here nya ig January ako na gud kuno bayad Palm Heights pohon. I miss home Lord, and gusto kong makaisip ng paraan kung papano mabayaran ung Palm Heights.

I cannot return to USC anymore. Mam Ching has given me the guidance. Ngita na ko new career pohon. Then I'll look into getting married. God bless us all. Amen.

It's Time to Go

I kept thinking this week that I'd want to quit alrdy. La pa nako istoryaha si Madam Shirley till ako na nuon iya giistorya this pm. Makuhaan daw ug 1hr ako teaching load kay naa may 2 white teachers nga moabot. Kapait sad ani oi, idiscriminate lng mi just because of the colour of our skin! Bantay bitaw ug di maau nang mga putia na. Ah, ilaon na nang ilang school oi! This made me realize that la jud diay stability ang magtrabaho abroad. But then, the once stable post that I thought I had in USC, wala na man.

But I still wanna go home to Philippines. Adto ko didto start anew, in my own country. God bless my plans. Amen.

I'll look to Sg na lang as long, long term goal. I'll wait for more signs. I'm gonna love PP forever, Lord. Asa pa ko ani nga experience di ba?

Going Back

I once read a verse in the Bible that anyone who starts to plow and keeps looking back is of no use to the Kingdom of God. I came here to Cambodia, I do believe God brought me here for a reason. That reason I am still waiting up to now for God to reveal to me. I always get this nagging thought that I should go back to USC; I had a very secure post there, but I didn't take care of it so now I lost it. And I wasn't happy with it anymore --since 2005, I had enough of teaching service courses.

My sister keeps telling me to think of my plans well. Ang iya ra man is the fear that basin di ko katrabaho dayon kay ig January pohon ako na bya daw bayad sa Palm Heights. Or maybe, just like the rest of my family, they don't want me to leave a very prestigious job at USC. Pero unsaon man gud na nako nang prestige if I'm not happy there anymore di ba? I'll just keep the faith. "When the funds are low and the debts are high, don't quit!" Amen.

Return

On Janice's blog she said that she's going back to HK, what she considers her home now. Halos one year ra sya didto sa London.

There really is such a thing as home after all. I may have come to call PP as my home too. But I still wanna go back to SG, for the 3rd time. La man na-approve ako EPEC, not yet time to go. My friend, Teresa has asked me if I'm coming to SG. Told her I plan to, but I still have to save up some money. Na'pa gud ko bayranan NUS. Di mn gud sila pahangyo, di mn jud iwaive. But di n lng cguro to nako bayran oi. Bahala n lng di ko katamak didto balik phon. Mahal baja pud.

When I think of home
I think of a place
Where there's love overflowing
Wish I was home
Wish I was here w/ you
:
:
Come take my hand
Come fill your heart
With all the love you see
You are my home
Though you're afar
You're in my memory
Loving me
:
Chorus:

You're my home
And together we share this love
For us to be happy and free
You're my home
And together, we try to make
This world a beautiful place
To be, for you and me ! :-)

Bangkok

I am now in Bangkok for a holiday. We arrived here last night, mga 830 pm. Sus didto mi gihatod sa mahalon nga lugar oi, sa Hualampong, sa may railway station, kabayad nuon mi $21 for a twin room.

I was impressed by the road network of Bangkok though, layo ra kaau sa PP. All in all, we were on the road for 13 hours and 1/2. Kalibutan ba diay namo nga naay taxi to border? Nagtaxi na lng ta mi.

But today, we got a room in a guesthouse in Soi Rambutri, the backpacker/tourist part of Bangkok. Nahurot na pud namo suroy halos tanan temple ron adlawa. Grabe namo picture didto Grand Palace. Kapalit pud mi souvenir for ourselves ni Ate Jing didto sa gem shop.

Tomorrow we plan to visit Jane in Nonthaburi. I'm excited to see her again. God bless!

Update

I just started the new school term at Western. I am teaching for the whole day now. I can't say that it's all smooth sailing but I think I'll get by. The Lord will sustain me..

Dili jud agree sila Marge et al that kompetensya mi nila. Well, what is, Zaman gud sila. Zaman, very good but also very expensive man gud kaha!

I have attended the CLP of CFC. Of all places na pwede kong pag-CLP-han, sa Cambodia pa. I know may dahilan. Sa 1st session pa lang, nihilak na ko. I am experiencing a real journey of faith kasi. I like it. I know in time, all beautiful things will reveal themselves to me. I'll just hold on, keep the faith!

Bali and Murali

I just got in touch with my Indian classmates, Azad Bali and Srivatsan Murali, again thru Facebook. Bali is now working in NUS daw as an Instructor at LKYSPP. While Murali is in India working for a small consulting company, he said. They made me think of going back to the economics profession. Why not indeed? What am I doing in Cambodia was their question.

Leeyaj used to ask me, "Bakit Heids, ayaw mo ba maging academic?" Well, as I said in my profile, I have been in the academe all my life but I didn't know where to go with it. I guess it only takes one thing. And one thing only. I have to put my passion into it. May God bless me. Amen.

Qualification

Hahay, think of your future daw, get a good qualification! Pila pa man diay ka qualification ako kuhaon? Cge lng ko'g ineskwela for nothing!Like what I said this morning Lord, I've had enough of those awards when I was young. I pray na lng you'd award me with a good husband. Funny, I was singing "Please Be Careful with my Heart" on the way to graduation this morning. Then who should I see on the road? Si Darwin Geroche. He must've been on his way to pick up his sister, Genevieve. What are you telling me Lord? I just keep the faith. Amen!

Thoughts

Now that I am officially on vacation, I think if I'd really want to stay on here in Phnom Penh. I am missing home and I am thinking of getting married! I know I don't wanna be alone for the rest of my life!

Two weeks ago, I thought I'd stay here in PP, at Western Intl School in particular. Mdm Shirley told me that she'd put me in K3 again next term pohon. Then she also gave me a tutorial session that will start by end August pohon. Kwenta2 nako, if I persist in this tutorial, in 4wks I'd have enough to cover for my visa.

But then, I always think of my Palm Heights bayranan and the fact that nobody lives there now. Unsaon man na nako nang balay kung wala ra diay mopuyo?

I guess I'll hold on. Bigay naman ito lahat ng Dios e so Siya ang mas nakakaalam. I keep the faith!

Kirirom

I decided to go to Kirirom last Sunday after all. I saw Abbey and Chris man gud in church last Saturday and I realized how short is our time left to spend together. Manglarga na gud na sila ig Sunday, 24 Aug pohon. Even Amy went to church last Saturday too, she told me in the bus on the way there.

It wasn't much, layo ang byahe and the waterfalls were not so spectacular. But cge n lng coz mao ra man pud toy barato2. Excited kaau mga estudyante, 630am pa lang didto na sila CWF when they were told that the buses would leave at 7am and 8am respectively.

7pm na mi nauli sa PP. Guess it was time well spent after all. God bless!

Rock the Boat

We're gonna be transferring to a new bldg this Sept phon. Grade school na daw mahibilin sa amo bldg right now. Gusto daw kunin ng head ng English dept sila three white guys as teachers sa grade school. Pero si Mdm Shirley daw fought na maretain si Teacher Nick sa kinder. Pero si Teacher John wala. Tua na tawn sya sa Montessori Campus. I miss him somehow. He gave Tita Sonia and I refrigerator magnets man gud. He has lived in Phils before, sa Subic. Back in the 1980s. We talked about it once, in the old bldg. Told him I haven't been to Subic, and I'd love to go.

Some of my students said, "Teacher Heide, when I go to Grade 1, I will not see you there anymore". I miss them and I'll pray for them.

Good luck to us all!

How to Deal

Maybe that's the reason why I am alone all this time. I don't want to deal w/ people in a close way. Gusto ko naa lng ko academe para mga libro lng pirmi nako makita, I will not say or do anything bad to them. But I also must grow up right? And even if this is only Cambodia, this is my 1st time to be teaching in a school which is not my home somehow. This is a foreign territory! I felt so at home in USC: Aside from staying for too long in there, I also studied there.

Mao na lagi na, lesson learned from that experience. Di na nako pakialaman ang mga bagay that are beyond my sphere. "He doesn't care". Stay on your level daw. And like what Ate Maline once told me, "Don't get too close. Hibaw na ka, ang mga intriga". Cge, I'll bear that in mind. Amen.

Old Ways

Ìt must be true. You cannot teach old tricks to a new carabao. I have ways man diay from USC that gidala nako all the way here in Cambo. Nahimo na nuon kong pakialamera. Di man ta ko nakialam sa mga report card. Bat pa kasi nya ko tinanong e?

And I got into a misunderstanding with Ate Tess too. Ug sa iya pang words, ako kuno syang gisiraan. I had wanted to back out of the 530 to 630 ESL class at Western Boeung Trabek nya la man ko nitunga pagka time na sa klase mao nahitabo to. I admit it was all my fault. But I was just telling the truth!

Even during our graduation last Saturday, daghan daw nainis nako kay akong gipangsigawan. Well, la man gud na sila kaila ug mga Bisaya; normal ra man to para nako, sigaw na to para sa mga Tagalog. Kani laging mga tawo nga naa na sa posisyon, di na gusto macorrectionan. Well, what can I do about it? Shut up my mouth lang jud. Know my place.

Good luck to us all. I still keep the faith.