Phase

I remember a scene in "Maging Sino Ka Man" when JB Berenguer (played by Sam Milby) questioned himself if he's still good. And Celine (played by Anne Curtis) replied, "Magaling ka (JB), nahihirapan ka lang ngayon". I think I am also in that phase. I am really having a hard time with my K2F that's why I'm thinking of leaving Cambodia/Western. Pun-an pa that my visa is gonna expire this Saturday...

But I alrdy told the Lord that if di ko madawat sa LUCT basin mouli ko. Di mn ko pwede mag-ambak2 gud. I have to stay in one place sooner or later. Tiguwang na ko oi!

Change

It's true, change takes time. It has not been easy for me to deal with the change. True, I left my post at USC but I didn't do it just out of the blue. Since 2003 pa gud ko nagtudlo ug puro service courses lang. I even went to NUS then to Cambodia and to Legazpi before I finally decided to do my clearance from USC. But I know that since I want change, then sooner or later I'd get it. I'll just have to be steadfast, I made the decision e.

My Brother

I once told Jonathan that I love my brother coz I only have one brother in the whole world. It's true and I always get emotional about it. Yesterday I was on the YM with him. He would've wanted to call me but as I was in the Teacher's Room and had no headphone, chat n lng mi. He brought up the topic of who will accompany the olds in Tinangnan. Gusto na man gud si Bantil motrabaho kay since 2005 p natambay. I have actually been estranged from him since I did something wrong by him. Ako man gud gigamit iya money in 2003 mao la na sya pangtraining so nisakay n lng sya balik dayon. Nabad record siya bale kay dugay siya nga AB or Able-bodied seaman. Nangambisyon jud siya nga magseaman kay nakakita mn xas among kalisud especially when nagdungan ming tulo nila Ate Ica ug Bantil sa college. In spite of that, he supported me when I was having a hard time in SG in 2006. Bawos n cguro pud to niya kay I gave him allowance man when he was studying at University of Cebu Mambaling or Maritime Education Training Center (METC). Retired n mn si Papa ato so tuition n lng ni Dodong ang ilang bayaran. Then I helped him type also sa iyang reaction paper nga nagkadipo2 jud xa ato. And most of all, I bought him a pair of sneakers (Adidas mn cguro to) when nakasweldo n ko. Kay mao mn jud to iyang gusto. When I was home from Holland too, I gave him my Eastpak backpack and Nokia 3210 that I bought there in Europe. But grabe pud niya yaw2 in exchange for helping me out in SG. Why not, more or less P200,000 na gud niya ako nagasto tanan2! Sya pay nibayad sa akong HSBC credit card bill ug Palm Heights monthly amortization coz I didn't have allowance in SG man that time. Pastilan n lng jud k Doki. Mao jud toy panahon nga nagpabadlong ko Lord. Tungod ra jud sa akong hinanakit about what happened to my eldest sister. I wrote her a letter bitaw when I was in SG and okay n mi after that. I went home from Singapore on June 22, 2006 and few days after I came home, he came here in Cebu to see me. Kita xa nga nagkaniwang lagi tawn ko didtos Singapore. I saw him there gud in September 2005 with his fellow ship crew. Ako silang gihatod sa Port of Singapore where their ship was docked. He got married in August 2007. Since 2005 pa man to sya gusto magminyo. Lisud man gud pud life sa seaman. He called me up before I left for SG again in January 2008. While I was in SG he msgd me too. He said pul-an na sya Magsaysay, hinay ang promotion. Then I went to Cambodia and I only talked to him once, on Mothers' Day. He asked unsa nawong sa PP. I said mora ra gud ug Tagbilaran. When I went home in November, he alrdy left for another contract. Then I went to work in Legazpi. He msgd me on 31 Jan 2009; they were in Germany daw. He emailed that he was coming home in mid-March, I was still in Leg. I went home on 17 May 2009 and he made time to see me also two days later. Hapit sya Cebu from Manila before going home. He msgd on 14 Sept 2009 at 5am that he was in the airport waiting for his flight. La man ko load so la ko reply. I know that he loves me and that he won't hesitate to beat whoever guy that would hurt me. Napunta n mn gud niya ang role to protect us after my father died. When I went home after coming to their ship in Amsterdam in March 2001, nakihitch ko sa supplies truck ato. When I got in the truck, he pointed to the driver, "Uy, you take care of my sister". That's how fierce my brother is. Unsa kaha iyang reaction if magminyo n ko? Maguol pud cguro sija if malayo ko. Milaon mn gud n akong brother kay youngest man sa family. I remember when he had to go for training sa Merchant Marine Academy (MMA) in Cavite. Nahadlok jud siya ato kay pangmilitary mn lagi ang ilang training. Sa iyang kahadlok gud kay gihilantan siya. Hahah. Kay saun, he avoided CAT mn lagi in high school, nagvarsity gud xas volleyball. Pun-an pas comment sa akong papa nga 'di mn cguro pud k patyon ana' When I was in Hawaii in July 2019, I told Aunty Helen that tagboon jud n nimo silas barko kay di mn n sila basta2 makagawas gud. They waited for his call p man. Labina ug Amerika, kutob seaman's club ra jud n sila. One time nidock mn gud ug Honolulu sila Dodong and wa daw xay nakita kay gabii n mn daw to. I think the next day nilarga n pud sila. They stay for a very short while ra lagis port. Di n mn byaheng US akong brother ron, gipul-an n sija. I love my family and I thank the Lord so much for them. May araw din na makabawi ako sa kanila lahat...

Worth

In my restlessness, I woke up at 1am last night and opened my Bible. I was directed to the letters of St Paul, particularly Romans and Galatians. I remember these lines and I quote, "All things are done according to God's purpose and direction..", "If you pretend to be something when you are really nothing, then you are deceiving yourself" "Do not worry about anything" Good luck to me, may I grow more spiritually...

Stability

It's been 2years since I left a very stable job in USC. What has happened to me since then??

I came back to SG in January 2008 but since I knew I couldn't possibly finish my studies, I dropped out and went to Cambodia in February. I didn't want to go home then and go back to USC. It took me 3months before I decided to volunteer here in PP. Then I found a job as a kindergarten teacher. But I came home in November coz I didn't like being discriminated. Why would they do that to me? I found a job in Legazpi early last year but I also didn't survive in it. I am still looking for a post as stable as, if not better than, USC. Good luck to me!!